Too much stuff

My life has been overtaken by THINGS and it is time to let some of it go. I have sentimental attachments to objects that are weighing me down instead of uplifting my life. I guess I could have been a hoarder, and I have fought those tendencies all my life. Now I just want to downsize, minimize ad streamline. I don't want to continue to maintan all this stuff. My intentions are always good. I always believe that I will have a use for this stuff. Yet all it does is clutter up my house. I have a grandfather clock that belonged to my mother. Two of my brothers and I chipped in and bought it for her about 15 years ago, so it is not an antique or a family heirloom. I have no childhood attachments to this clock. I has been sitting in my sunroom for six years, collecting dust, because I did not want to give it away when my mother died. I have no room for this piece, and now I need to find another home for it. My house is filled with things like that. Things that are too good to throw away, but that noone else wants. I guess it is time for me to open up and ebay account and make a little money. I have gotten beyond the emotional need to keep these things. It is time for them to find a home.

Today I am having lunch with a long time girlfriend. She has recently retired again and we have made a pact to get together once a month for lunch. Ar and I have gone thru an awful lot together. In the pre-on line dating era, we scoured the personal ads in search of the perfect mate. We laughed and danced, donned our widest brimmed hats and went shopping at Saks...it makes me smile to recount some of our adventures. As old(er)married women, we have been relegated to the monthly lunch. When I see her today, I think I will have a conversation with her about what we can do to have more fun. Hmmm...let me put on my thinking cap.

Laughter

Last night was the monthly book club and the selection for discussion was Fifty Shades of Grey. Regardless of how you feel about the book, it made for a lively discussion and lots of laughs. Patrice, our hostess for the evening, themed the get together by featuring Grey frosted cupcakes, Earl Grey tea, and grey neckties as decorations. The evening highlighted the importance of girlfriends, laughter, sharing and fun. It is so good for the soul to develop those connections, even if they are only for a few hours a month. Wouldn't it be great to have more fun and laughter in our lives? I make it a goal to laugh every day. And I mean really laugh out loud. Think about ways that you can incorporate more fun into your life. Let me know what you discover.

Congrats to my brother and his wife on their 25th wedding anniversary. It really is an accomplishment in a world where only 50% of marriages succeed. My brother called me yesterday to ask for a favor. His mother in law called him and invited him for a sit down to discuss the 25 years of animosity and disdain which permeates their relationship. He wanted me to write down everything that I could remember about the feud that exists between them, because I have the better memory. I refused to indulge him in this quest to dredge up all the crap from the last 25 years. I explained that if HE can't remember it, then it doesn't matter. Why have someone else's memory drive your arguement? I took this as a perfect coaching opportunity. I asked him why he felt that he needed to sit down with his mother in law, since previous attempts at this had been unproductive. They rarely see eye to eye on anything. And when they walk away from the table, they each have a different spin on what the actual outcome was. It has never produced positive results, and has only dredged up the past in a negative way. I asked why he wanted to sit down with her, and he admitted that he didn't - that he was only doing it so that she couldn't tell people that he had refused her attempt at reconcilitation. I questioned if this was a good enough reason, based on the past results. He agreed that he did not want to sit down and talk to her, that he only wanted to go about the business of living his life. In the end, he concluded that his time would be better spent trying to effect postitive change in his life instead of getting mired down in the minutae of this stand off. Of course, that coud all change when his wife gets wind of it!

Back to Basics

Writing has always been a cathartic exercise for me, and tho I journal daily, I have been neglecting my blog. I guess the idea is to get back to basics, to start one blog post at a time and see where it leads. Last week I took a fiction writing class and it helped to rekindle my desire to reconnect with the world thru written word. This is my new beginning, my back to basics attempt to write about what I know, to question what I don't, and to maybe make a difference in someone's day, one day at a time.

Violating My Space

The other day, I walked into my house with a feeling that something just wasn't right. My first clue was that the front door was unlocked. The housekeeper had come that morning, and she has always been good about locking the front door, bit occasionally she has left a back door open. This was different. I had a bad vibe.

I walked into the foyer and peeked into the first room. The space that housed a flat panel tv was empty. Damn - that tv was recently purchased with the first paycheck from the promotion I had received at my job. Ahhh..the thought hit me...ARE THEY STILL IN MY HOUSE????? So I backed out thru the front door, hopped into the car, locked the doors and called 911. I was freaked out...couldn't catch my breath...terrified that I had walked into something that was going to get me hurt or worse. And I waited.

It took moments that seemed like hours before the police arrived. They cleared the house-which was empty of intruders-and we went back in to inventory. My iPods and docking stations - gone. One was a brand new touch and I still hadn't figured out how to use it. My docking stations with speakers - gone. I love to have my home filled with music. The iPods and speakers made that so easy. Lady Gaga on day, Andrea Boccelli the next....whatever suited my mood. GONE.

Then, the BIG tv in the living room - GONE. They were nice enough to leave the blu-ray home theater system behind, but stole the remote control. Go figure. And they were very neat.

They took money, of course, but left the jewelry behind. Some of those pieces are not replaceable, so I am glad to still have them with me.

Oh, and they cut the cable/internet/phone wires. And stole one of my cordless house phones. That was weird to me. How did they know that my phone service was thru the cable, and not from the telephone wire that is attached to my house but is not in service? And why steal one phone. Oh, perhaps it was to cover up the numbers that were called by the housekeeper that morning. Those numbers would have shown up on the memory in the phone. Guess what????They showed up on the call log that I can access from the computer, so I know who she called and when.

The stuff is gone - it can all be replaced. The alarm system is being installed tomorrow. It is creepy, knowing that strangers have invaded your space, violated your privacy, and disrespected your home. It is worse when you believe that it was done by someone that you trusted, someone whom you allowed into your home, someone who earned a living from you.

I have no proof. I only have my gut feeling, and the gut never lies. It may not always be 100% accurate, but I have a good track record.

No matter how much security I buy, I will never feel that same sense of freedom that I enjoyed in my little peice of heaven...and I am PISSED.

Happiness is....

When you realize that you have all the components to be truly happy, yet you feel that something is missing, it is time to look inside yourself.

My world was rocked last week when my husband took a spill on the ice, split his head open and sustained a subdural hematoma. Now, for those of you who watch shows like CSI, Bones or any crime show, Subdural Hematoma (bleeding of the brain) is often the cause of death. I watched my husband stand on the threshold of death and it terrified us both.

But for a long term caregiver turned widow, the flashbacks, the memories, the heartache has been palpable. I listen for every breath, react to every wince or sigh. I listen for death.

My husband is resting comfortably. He grows stronger every day. I am grateful for that, really. I should be happy, right? Happy that he survived, happy that he is going to be okay. Instead, I am fearful. I am confused. I am saddened by this turn of events that has caused my happy existence to become muddled and frightened.

So, what to do? Well, for me, it always begins with a list. Sometimes it is on paper, sometimes it is just in my head. A gratitude journal helps-to write down three things that I am grateful for each and every day. Lists and journals help me to process; they help me to gain perspective.

I know that this feeling of dread will pass. I will lock it away in the treasure chest of things that have been dealt with and filed away until I need them again.

And I will move forward in my pursuit of happiness once again.