Robert's Grave

Today I went to my brother Robert's grave to clean it up and plant some hyacinths that I picked up at Easter time. We chose this particular resting place for a number of reasons. it was one of the few non denominational cemeteries in the area that offered cremains plots - smaller than the regular plots. And it needed to be in a location that was reasonably accessible to both his biological family and his widow & children.

It has always bothered me that it is not a nice place. It is run down, poorly maintained, and has no restrictions on how many plastic poinsettias a family can cram onto the plot at any given time, where they are left indefinitely until they finally blow away.

Today was the final straw. The cemetery folks had strategically placed brilliant blue rubber trash cans throughout the grounds, on resting right alongside my brother's headstone. Grrrrr.

As I began digging around the stone to clean up the overgrown weeds, I began to wonder if I could just keep digging and pull the whole thing out. I could bring it home and replant him in my garden where I could keep a better eye on him. his widow has long since remarried and moved away. She wouldn't even know the difference.

Then I decided that I should probably get permission from the cemetery, and from my other siblings. I'm still undecided. I just know that it made me sad to walk away and leave him in a place where it looks like no one ever cared for him. Although he wasn't the easiest guy to love, we really did- love him, I mean.

What a conundrum!

Easter Sunday and Dead Tony's Cheesecake

Whne I was a teenager, my dad came hom from work one evening carrying a cheesecake topped with cling peaches and maraschino cherries that was given to him by a little old Italian gentleman named Tony who worked part time in his office.. It was the best, creamiest cheesecake I had ever eaten. Of course, I asked if I could have the recipe.

My father returned with the sad news that Tony didn't share this secret family recipe, but that he would make a cheesecake for me whenever I wanted him to. I never did ask for one, believing that it would be rude, but occasionally dad would bring one home and we all enjoyed it.

Years later, my father came home with the news that Tony had passed away, which brought a double dose of sadness - the demise of a sweet old man and the loss of the cheesecake recipe that died with him.

A few weeks later, I received an envelope in the mail which - lo and behold - contained the famous recipe. There was a note attached in Tony's handwriting saying that the recipe was being passed on to me with the request that it remain in the family.

And so, we have named it, "Dead Tony's Cheesecake" in honor of the kindly gentleman who chose to make arrangement to have it sent to me upon his death.

As each of my brothers married, I gave their new brides a copy of the recipe as a part of their wedding gift with the proviso that they hold true to the request to keep it in the family. Unfortunately, I found out that the promise has been broken, and that caused me great sadness, and I have learned a valuable lesson from that experience.

So how, you ask, does Dead Tony's Cheesecake tie in with Easter Sunday? Well, six years ago I was preparing to celebrate the first Easter after I began dating a certain guy named Mike. We had been seeing each other for about 5 months and it looked like it might be getting serious. Over dinner one evening, he asked me to join him at his home where he would be preparing Easter dinner for his daughter and his father. I knew that this was a huge step for him, and of course I accepted.

I arrived with a huge Easter basket filled with jelly beans and marshmallow peeps, Cadbury eggs and assorted Easter goodies. Nested in the center of the basket was a peach and maraschino topped Dead Tony's Cheesecake.

Mike's face was crestfallen as I explained the legend of the cheesecake. It seems that he has never eaten a homemade cheesecake that he really enjoyed - that he has always found them to be lacking - and he didn't want to hurt my feelings. Of course, he didn't tell me this until AFTER dinner was concluded.

But the reality is that he LOVED the cheesecake and it has become an Easter tradition in our household to prepare one for dessert. Oh, I forgot to mention that Mike and I are now married.

The cheesecake is cooling as we speak, as it needs to age overnight before it is topped with the peaches and cherries. I am beginning to salivate just thinking about it. An I am so please to be sharing this treat with my husband as we celebrate another Easter as a family.


o

Happy Valentine's Day

When people ask me how I plan to spend Valentine's Day, I have to admit that my answer usually disappoints. You see, I try to treat every day as a special day. When my husband and I began dating, I told him that I wanted each day to count, and that anyone who wants to share a life with me had to be prepared to share that philosophy.

Don't buy me roses for Valentine's Day. Plant a rose garden so I can enjoy roses from spring thru fall. Buy me a gift for no reason - it doesn't have to be costly. It just has to say, "I saw this and I thought of you."

Write me a love letter. Make a memory. Cook a special dinner for me. Remember how I take my coffee.

It's all about the thought behind the action. I don't want something because it is expected. I want something because it is heartfelt. That means more to me than diamonds.

So often, people have expectations that far exceed reality, and they are disappointed. You cannot make someone behave in a way that is uncomfortable. Some people are thoughtful, romantic and frivolous. Others are practical, forgetful, or pragmatic. That doesn't mean that they don't care. Try letting your partner know before hand what it is that will make you happy. In spite of what we believe, have never met a man who was a mind reader.

Take care to NOT set yourself up for a letdown. Be realistic.

Not everyone has a special someone to celebrate Valentine's Day with. For some, it is a day of loneliness, sadness, disappointment. Why not get some of your friends together and open a bottle of champagne? Book a massage. Read a good book. See a funny movie.

Stop waiting for socially sanctioned holidays to make your life special. Make every day count.

The Dance

In November, my husband and I took a cruise on board the Queen Mary 2. They boast the largest ballroom on the seas, so of course we had to check it out for ourselves. To our amazement, the ballroom was filled to capacity every night with the most elegant dancers twirling around the dance floor. There was no way we were going to go up there and do our side to side shuffle!

When we returned, I was determined that we needed to learn to dance and I signed us up for lessons. When we first met with Daniel of Daniel's Ballroom Dance, we were convinced that we needed private lessons. He assured us that we would be great candidates for group participation, since one is rarely dancing alone on the floor. And so, we began.

Monday is our only regularly available night, and Daniel only offers Salsa lessons on Monday. So, Salsa it is. Although my preference was to waltz or foxtrot, I figure that if I can master latin dancing, I can go anywhere from there.

It was intimidating at first. While I am no great shakes on the dance floor, my husband is much more,hmmm...bull -in -a-china-shop like in his technique. He is a big guy with big feet, unlike our instructor who has these tiny dancer feet that glide around the floor. Oh, and dancing in sneakers doesn't help.

Week after week, we went to class surviving the cramping legs, the achy joints. He learned how to lead, and I learned how to let him lead. The footwork became more familiar. It started to become fun.

Over the holidays we missed a few classes, and now we are back into the swing of things. Although we are still in the Beginner's Class, I think it won't be long before we get bumped up to Intermediate.

The most interestiing part of this has been watching the dynamics of the other members of the class. It is easy to tell who was dragged there by a partner and isn't really interested. Or the couples where one is so much better than the other and has to be so patient and understanding, all the while feeling frustrated. The best is watching the partners who are really enjoying the process and enjoying each other, working as a team.

And the most interesting of all is the single folks who join the class. They are the most courageous, in my opinion. Usually we have one or two men who come solo, and once there was a woman by herself. Occasionally we have a single man and a single woman at the same class who can partner up for practice. But I think it takes guts to get out there with all these couples and learn something that cries out for a partner for participation.

So, even though we set out to learn how to do a respectable waltz, we are having great fun and learning so much more. It has been a lesson in stepping outside of my comfort zone....and surviving.

I Did It!

Yesterday, I completed my training for Reiki Master-Teacher. It was an emotional and draining process, but now, it is done.

My journey into reiki began about a year ago, and I have seen the benefits of how it has improved not only my life, but the lives of others whom I have treated.

I still have more work to do, and the journey continues.

Four Year Ago

Four years ago today, I experienced a Myocardial Infarction that required an emergency cardiac interventional procedure. Michael and I were married just 2 months and 9 days.

I was really frightened-facing your own mortality can be a life changing experience. I made the decision to live life on my own terms, to embrace my fears and step outside of my comfort zone. I began doing the things I had always talked about, instead of waiting for a better time.

What I didn't anticipate was the impact it would have on my husband. He did not respond well to my heart attack. Instead, he acted out of fear based on his belief that he was going to lose me. He distanced himself as a way of preparing for the fact that I might die and leave him.

Perhaps it was because I had shared my experiences of watching a husband die, of building a life as a widow, that he reacted that way. All I know is that it almost ended our marriage.

With the help of a wonderful therapist, we were able to work thru the issues that sent us down the road to divorce. Our dedication to making it work combined with the assistance with a professional enabled us to create a bond that has cemented the foundation of our union.

Whenever we encounter a situation that creates difficulty in our lives, we need to keep in mind the impact it has on those who love us as well. And we should be open to the possibility that we may need to seek the help of a professional to get us through.

Happy Thanksgiving

Take today as an opportunity to reflect on all the things in your life that you have to be thankful for...no matter how small. If you don't have any special plans for the day, think about doing something different-volunteer at the food bank or a soup kitchen, visit a nursing home, call a friend or family member that you've lost touch with, or read that book that you've had sitting on your bedside table.

However you choose to spend the day, be kind to yourself.

Wishing you all peace, gratitude and joy.