Violating My Space

The other day, I walked into my house with a feeling that something just wasn't right. My first clue was that the front door was unlocked. The housekeeper had come that morning, and she has always been good about locking the front door, bit occasionally she has left a back door open. This was different. I had a bad vibe.

I walked into the foyer and peeked into the first room. The space that housed a flat panel tv was empty. Damn - that tv was recently purchased with the first paycheck from the promotion I had received at my job. Ahhh..the thought hit me...ARE THEY STILL IN MY HOUSE????? So I backed out thru the front door, hopped into the car, locked the doors and called 911. I was freaked out...couldn't catch my breath...terrified that I had walked into something that was going to get me hurt or worse. And I waited.

It took moments that seemed like hours before the police arrived. They cleared the house-which was empty of intruders-and we went back in to inventory. My iPods and docking stations - gone. One was a brand new touch and I still hadn't figured out how to use it. My docking stations with speakers - gone. I love to have my home filled with music. The iPods and speakers made that so easy. Lady Gaga on day, Andrea Boccelli the next....whatever suited my mood. GONE.

Then, the BIG tv in the living room - GONE. They were nice enough to leave the blu-ray home theater system behind, but stole the remote control. Go figure. And they were very neat.

They took money, of course, but left the jewelry behind. Some of those pieces are not replaceable, so I am glad to still have them with me.

Oh, and they cut the cable/internet/phone wires. And stole one of my cordless house phones. That was weird to me. How did they know that my phone service was thru the cable, and not from the telephone wire that is attached to my house but is not in service? And why steal one phone. Oh, perhaps it was to cover up the numbers that were called by the housekeeper that morning. Those numbers would have shown up on the memory in the phone. Guess what????They showed up on the call log that I can access from the computer, so I know who she called and when.

The stuff is gone - it can all be replaced. The alarm system is being installed tomorrow. It is creepy, knowing that strangers have invaded your space, violated your privacy, and disrespected your home. It is worse when you believe that it was done by someone that you trusted, someone whom you allowed into your home, someone who earned a living from you.

I have no proof. I only have my gut feeling, and the gut never lies. It may not always be 100% accurate, but I have a good track record.

No matter how much security I buy, I will never feel that same sense of freedom that I enjoyed in my little peice of heaven...and I am PISSED.

Happiness is....

When you realize that you have all the components to be truly happy, yet you feel that something is missing, it is time to look inside yourself.

My world was rocked last week when my husband took a spill on the ice, split his head open and sustained a subdural hematoma. Now, for those of you who watch shows like CSI, Bones or any crime show, Subdural Hematoma (bleeding of the brain) is often the cause of death. I watched my husband stand on the threshold of death and it terrified us both.

But for a long term caregiver turned widow, the flashbacks, the memories, the heartache has been palpable. I listen for every breath, react to every wince or sigh. I listen for death.

My husband is resting comfortably. He grows stronger every day. I am grateful for that, really. I should be happy, right? Happy that he survived, happy that he is going to be okay. Instead, I am fearful. I am confused. I am saddened by this turn of events that has caused my happy existence to become muddled and frightened.

So, what to do? Well, for me, it always begins with a list. Sometimes it is on paper, sometimes it is just in my head. A gratitude journal helps-to write down three things that I am grateful for each and every day. Lists and journals help me to process; they help me to gain perspective.

I know that this feeling of dread will pass. I will lock it away in the treasure chest of things that have been dealt with and filed away until I need them again.

And I will move forward in my pursuit of happiness once again.

Working as a Diet Tool

I have to admit that the last year f dieting has been hard. Fortunately, it has paid off and so far I have lost 64 pounds. Unfortunately, the last 3 months have been spent yo-yoing up and down the same 4 pounds, so no real progress has been made.

I recently took a job for the US Census. It's temporary, which has an appeal for me. It is also located in the middle of nowhere. So my half hour lunch break leaves me confined to eating a packed lunch at the table in the back with the rest of the group. For me, that's a good thing. I can only eat what I have brought with me. So, by making careful choices and by making sure that I am well prepared for the day, I can strictly limit my food consumption.

I am hoping that this job will provide me with the weight loss jump start that I need in addition to funding the 2011 trip to Italy that I am planning for Michael and me.

Today's selection is a Lean Cuisine cafe selection, and asian pear and a 100 cal pack of Grasshopper cookies. How much better does it get than that?

If the weather was better, I might consider taking a walk after lunch. But, it is so cold that I'll just skip it. Hey, I'm human. I can only push it so far!

I have 21 pounds to go before I consider hiring a personal trainer. Mind you, I said I was considering it, because I am not excited about exercise in any form. So, I guess we'll see.

Off to pack up my gourmet lunch and hit the bricks.

New Year, New Attitude!

Last week I started working for the US Census as a recruiter. If they had offered me a job that required going door to door, I surely would have turned it down. These ole bones were not meant for such cold weather.

The job requires a lot of phone time, which is fine with me - right up my alley actually. The people are really great and it is nice to have a place to go to every day and interact with people. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed that. Perhaps the knowledge that it is temporary has some appeal as well. I am not tied to something long term. Seems to me that temporary suits my lifestyle for now and I'm okay with that.

This week I also downloaded to my Kindle a daily devotional by Gary Chapman entitled, The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional. I am catching up on the first 10 days of the month (which requires all of about 12 minutes) and I have asked my hubby to consider doing the same. I believe that marriage is a daily commitment, and anything positive that enhances and strengthens your relationship has got to be a positive. And, who can't spare a minute a day? I spend more time than that deciding what I'm having for lunch each day.

Off to continue my reading....Have a joyous and healthy New Year!

Catching Up

Boy, it really has been a long time since I have updated my blog. I really don't have a reason or an explanation, but I vow to be more diligent in posting.

So much has happened, and fortunately much of it has been good. We are planning a wedding in our family and it is an exciting time. On the day that my stepdaughter Jen graduated from college, her boyfriend Tom popped the question. We were there to share in the happiness of their special day and even captured it on video.

So, they have moved into a new home and Jen has started Optometry school in addition to planning the wedding. She has her hands full. I am trying to find that balance between being helpful and being obtrusive, and I have to admit that it is a difficult task. I hope it gets easier over time, but I am not so sure.

As for me, I have been participating in a Weight Watchers lifestyle, and to date I have lost 64 pounds. My husband has been participating along with me, and his weight loss is about the same as mine. His dietary changes have meant that his gall bladder distress has been eliminated and he has more energy. I have not been as fortunate. This has been a struggle for me physically as I have been experiencing severe unexplained joint and muscle pain. So, while I really should be feeling better, I am actually feeling worse. I am told that my body will eventually catch up with all the changes and that the distress will level out. I certainly hope so, and so, I endure.

Snow Day

The short and dreary days of winter are known for sending people into hibernation mode. We had a lovely break over the last two days-blue-ish skies and warm weather that made me delight in going outdoors.

And now it is lightly snowing, just to remind us that it really is winter. I actually enjoy the snow-watching it fall as I sit in the sun room , curled up in a blanket with a book and sipping cup of coffee. The snow blankets the barren wilderness and glistens in the trees. That is when I feel the most impact of my surroundings.

I am fully stocked with break, milk, hot cocoa and ice melt-the snow storm staples. We have a ton of firewood indoors to keep us warm. So, let it snow!

Yesterday was Groundhog Day, and although MY resident groundhogs did not make an appearance, I was visited by George and Gracie, my returning pair of geese. They were walking across the iced over pond looking for a place to swim. They were later joined by a family of deer and another pair of geese. I hope that I never lose the sense of wonder and enjoyment that I feel when I take in the complex simplicity of nature.

Happy Birthday Bobby

Last night I attended a tribute to the Scottish poet Robert Burns. The celebration included Scottish country dancers, Pipe & Drums and a tin whistle followed by the presentation of the HAGGIS and numerous toasts.

I was reluctant to attend, but I have to say that it was good fun. It was my first taste of haggis, and it is an acquired taste for sure. But there was also Shepherd's pie, bangers, meat pie turnips and carrots & peas and boiled potatoes. So there was plenty to eat.

It was really good fun. Something different for sure.