Congrats to my brother and his wife on their 25th wedding anniversary. It really is an accomplishment in a world where only 50% of marriages succeed. My brother called me yesterday to ask for a favor. His mother in law called him and invited him for a sit down to discuss the 25 years of animosity and disdain which permeates their relationship. He wanted me to write down everything that I could remember about the feud that exists between them, because I have the better memory. I refused to indulge him in this quest to dredge up all the crap from the last 25 years. I explained that if HE can't remember it, then it doesn't matter. Why have someone else's memory drive your arguement? I took this as a perfect coaching opportunity. I asked him why he felt that he needed to sit down with his mother in law, since previous attempts at this had been unproductive. They rarely see eye to eye on anything. And when they walk away from the table, they each have a different spin on what the actual outcome was. It has never produced positive results, and has only dredged up the past in a negative way. I asked why he wanted to sit down with her, and he admitted that he didn't - that he was only doing it so that she couldn't tell people that he had refused her attempt at reconcilitation. I questioned if this was a good enough reason, based on the past results. He agreed that he did not want to sit down and talk to her, that he only wanted to go about the business of living his life. In the end, he concluded that his time would be better spent trying to effect postitive change in his life instead of getting mired down in the minutae of this stand off. Of course, that coud all change when his wife gets wind of it!